The Middle School Basketball Player Turned Cheerleader

Written By: Holly Enowski, The Letter Project Brand Curator

When posed this question, I immediately became uncomfortable. Younger me was not cute, nor did she have a clue what she was doing. In fact, 5th grade me was picked on because she was taller than all her classmates, was student body president, and had a chronic inability to brush her hair. The apex of beauty that I was had big black-framed rectangular glasses (before they were cool) and bright braces with color-coordinated bright rubber bands. I wore a sweater vest (a sweater! vest! - mom, how could you do this to me?) and a skirt for my school district-wide speech on Veteran’s Day that landed on the front page of the newspaper. All in all, not a cutie girl and that’s just the truth.

When I got into middle school, I remember being “not enough” for everyone in every social circle. A “friend” turned to me in the cafeteria one day and said “do you want to know the truth — you’re not even good at basketball and you only do cheerleading because you’re also bad at basketball” as she turned and said nothing else the rest of the lunch period. I was an oddball — I played basketball and was a cheerleader at the same time, which meant (a) a busy schedule and (b) lots of outfit changes on game night. I enjoyed it and it was a fun season in life, but her words stung and the weight of them carried well into high school when I ultimately dropped both activities.

In middle school, I wish I would’ve taken to heart the sentiment that you would be surprised at who is watching your journey and being inspired by it. The number of younger girls and older girls who sent me messages about how “cool” it was that I didn’t pick one sport over the other is in the dozens - but, I let one mean comment cloud any positive feedback I was receiving. The 5th grade me wore a sweater vest and skirt because (a) my mother made me or I didn’t know how to match clothes — both likely true, and (b), more importantly, I had bigger things to do than worry about my outfit for the day. Middle school Holly wanted to make a difference — whether that meant starting a clothing closet at school, working with friends to create a resource guide for incoming 7th graders, or inspiring one girl to try a sport she wasn’t good at — and that resounding theme was my foundation to stay true to me in times of defeat, competition, and mean girls.

There will always be people who don’t like you, but for some reason, it’s harder to navigate when it’s other girls. Now that I’m older, I see so much that our anger, hurt, and frustrations hurled at each other are projections of our own insecurities, unworked issues, and built-up emotions. I wish I would’ve known that it’s not you - and had the inner confidence to walk on. God calls us to love one another in kindness and forgiveness, not to hold grudges, to have ill-intentions, or to be mean in return. Middle school is KILLER for character development (say that again!) - trust me when I say you’re more than what people say about you, you’re more than your accomplishments, and the ways in which you handle yourself with kindness and grace are inspiring someone else to do the same.

Middle school is much different now than it was for me — even though it was only 5-6 years ago for me. With the popularity of social media, clothing trends, and other influences, I challenge middle school gals to remember their influence. Likes, views, trends, and the words of people will fade - but your influence will not. You're worthy of so much more than what others may say. You’ve got this!

For The Letter Project,

Holly Enowski

Dare to Be Kind

Written By: Emily Winter, The Letter Project Board Member

You cannot reach everyone with a hug, but you can touch anyone with your words. Our words linger with such vast power that even our silence unveils how we want to be heard.

Above is a thank you note from an author that I greatly admire. She is a New York Times Bestseller, and during any free moment I had, my eyes were glued to every page of her book. Her words rode the bus with me to work and tucked me in before bed. With esteem, I may not have agreed with every sentence or ideology of how she proposed our society should progress, but I needed to tell her how much I respected her work. I sent her a message, not thinking I would hear a response, and to my pleasant surprise, she took the five minutes.

A simple note, exchanged between two people to express encouragement, praise, thanks or appreciation can change the trajectory of one’s day. As evinced in Pride and Prejudice, “Every sentence of kindness was a fresh source of happiness to Jane.” Each of us can concurrently be kind and speak with bold opinion. As some may speculate, kindness is not a source of weakness of a woman’s tempered thought or withheld judgment. Rather kindness is a special tool used to demonstrate that we have listened. Ultimately, it is only when we hear other’s shared experiences, that our own words and thoughts become more meaningful. A guaranteed platform for good, when you are kind, you are not merely heard, but you are remembered.

I dare you: I dare you to take the five minutes. Say something kind or write kind words and send them. Whether it be to a family member, your best friend, your crush, a neighbor, or a stranger. Whether it be a woman in the writer’s portal who you do not know personally or to the person standing behind you at the checkout line. And if you cannot find it in you to be kind to others right now, then please, always choose to be kind to yourself.

Take Action: Journal or ask a girl or woman:

What is something easy I/you can do to be kind this week?

Songs about kindness:

Try a Little Kindness by Glen Campbell

Be Kind by Marshmello, Halsey

Kind Woman by Buffalo Springfield

Kindness by Isla Vista Worship, Mark Barlow, Hailey Swags

Books about kindness:

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

Scripture about kindness:

Proverbs 3:3 “Never let loyalty and kindness leave you…”

She mattered - By a Letter Writer

We had a request recently. The letters were going to a recipient whose mother had passed away. It was emotional reading through the letters, even as a stranger. Then I opened an envelope. And, in large letters that covered the page, it simply said:

She mattered.

It took my breath away. A total stranger reminding this young woman that her mom mattered. What a powerful way to show love. And what a short sentence that says so much.

To My Girls

Written By: Kimberly Crickette

Friendship seems to be one of the cornerstones of our experience as humans; our ability to form deep, vulnerable bonds with others is a quality that not many other creatures on this planet possess. And female friendship, specifically, is one of the most powerful, cozy and life-giving things you can be a part of.

I've known my three best, most cherished friends for ten years now. We met at the very beginning of high school. Our friendship has not always looked the same as it does now -- hormones, health struggles, shifting interests, breakups, adulthood demanding to be faced...it's been tough at times for the four of us. But even though we've lived across the country from each other for almost six years now, I know our bond has never been stronger. And that's because of the way that we show up for each other in our lives. 

We schedule trips to visit each other months and months in advance; we have a group chat that takes up at least 90% of my phone's storage space; we ask each other tough questions; and first and foremost, we want the absolute best and nothing short of it for each other. Last year, we even all got a tattoo of "1/4" to symbolize our friendship. It's no wonder, really, that when the female brain is under significant stress it pushes us to seek out other female friends by flooding our brains with oxytocin.

When it boils down to it, I think that the qualities that make a wonderful friend are the same qualities that make a successful kindergartner: honesty, curiosity, empathy and excitement. Sometimes friendship has meant picking up my phone in the middle of the night and crying together. Sometimes it has meant a nineteen hour road trip in the world's smallest and most weighed-down car. And sometimes it has meant falling asleep over Facetime while debating the tragedy of bad botox in whatever guilty pleasure show we're obsessing over at the moment. 

Friends are the people who will take on and carry half of our pain, double our laughter, and lean against us during life's commercial breaks. They're the glitter that make life exciting AND the glue that holds it together when it feels like life is falling apart at the seams. There's nothing else quite like them. 

To my girls: I love you. For the good, the bad, and the funny. Always and forever. 

On Trying to Do it All

Written By: Katrina Sweet

“You can’t do it all” is something I tell myself, and then promptly try to figure out how I’m going to do it all. I am simultaneously the laziest person, so this further complicates things. I work full-time, am in grad school, and try to find time to write, clean, exercise, and spend time with my boyfriend and family and friends; it can feel like a lot. And then with everything that is going on in the world, I often feel like I need to be doing more reading and researching, and essentially solve the world’s problems. On top of all of this, we’re looking for houses and my best friend is getting married in a week.

A quote I think about a lot is: “Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, or Friends: Pick 3.” I think a lot of us feel like this most of the time; it almost seems inevitable that at least one of the things will always get left out. To make matters worse, I too often compare myself with what others have been able to accomplish. I suddenly feel like I need to travel the world right now and relearn piano and learn a language and turn my eternally scrawny arms into biceps of steel and master every yoga position and learn to dance and bake and watch all the shows and see every band live.

I try to remember that feeling like there is not enough time in the day is in many ways a blessing. There have been other times in my life where not much interested me, I was bored and the days dragged by. It was only recently that I finally realized how valuable it is to identify the things you like and to make a conscious effort to do them. This seems obvious in hindsight, but in the past sometimes it’s just seemed easier for me to wander around without any clear goals. I think it’s important to find a balance between the two extremes; make a list, figure out what you want, but also realize how much you can realistically accomplish and let the rest go, at least for now.

So, if you also constantly feel like you’re not doing enough, it’s important to remember – you can’t do it all and that’s okay. You don’t need to. You are enough. You can’t possibly read all the books and learn all the things and perfect all your writing and create all the art and solve all the problems in the world and in your life. Prioritize the things that are necessary and the things you love and the things that matter. And do the things that you can. But take a break sometimes. Say no to things. Open the blinds and enjoy your morning coffee before worrying about all the things you need to do today. Breathe and forget about the lists, at least for a little while. Spend quality time with the people you love and laugh as much as you can.

You can view more of Katrina’s writing here.

Hope in a Pandemic

Written By: Caroline Marshall

The story of Joseph in the book of Genesis is one that I know well.  Joseph’s brothers plot to kill him, throw him in a pit and sell him into slavery out of jealousy. However, it goes on to say that Joseph earns favor from Pharaoh eventually rises to power in Egypt and to make a very long story short, God ends up using Joseph in his position of power to save the lives of so many people from famine.  So what does this have to do with me, an American girl living in 2020 during a worldwide pandemic? Quite a bit! 

You see, in Genesis 50:20 Joseph says to his brothers, “As for you, you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” The God that brought beautiful purpose out of sin, jealousy, and evil is the same God that we are serving amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. He is the God who takes the most painful and challenging circumstances and uses them for the good of those who love Him. 

The past few months have been marked by loss for all of us; the loss of jobs, graduations, proms, concerts, peace and quiet - you name it.  These losses have left many people, including myself, feeling hurt, confused, stressed, and maybe even angry at God; and the enemy wants to leave us there.  The enemy's intent in this season is to harm us and separate us from the love of our father, but God has already won the battle and declared victory over the schemes of the enemy.  I wanted to share a few of the “but God” moments I have had during this pandemic that have given me hope and reminded of who is in control! 

• This weird time of quarantine, distancing, and isolation caused me to completely slow down.  I was no longer able to fill up my life with school functions, coffee with friends, or other work.  This exposed how uncomfortable I was with rest and I had to come to terms with the fact that it is okay to stop, slow down, and just be.  This was the wake up call I think we all didn’t know we needed.  

• God took my faith back to its roots.  Pre-pandemic, my life was absolutely full of ministry meetings, small groups, mentor coffee dates, and live sermons.  Don’t get me wrong, those are all incredible and I miss them dearly, but coming home made me realize how much I was relying on other people and structured meetings to fuel my faith.  Being stuck at home meant it was just me and God.  At first I thought this meant I was doomed! No way I could learn and grow by myself. But what was at first scary has become the greatest blessing of this whole season.  I have had months of time with just my Father - learning to look to him instead of others and growing more and more confident in my faith.  

• I have had quite a few divine appointments during this time at home, but my favorite one by far happened early on in quarantine when I was on a run.  I was running in a neighborhood I don’t live in, at a time I normally never run, when I passed by a mentor of mine from high school who I hadn’t spent time with in a few years.  We ended up running the rest of the path together and God completely reconnected our hearts.  That run in March led to us getting together at least once a week to run and talk about all the Lord is doing in our lives.  This relationship and the time we get to spend together has been such a gift, and would have never happened without COVID. 

• In the same realm, I never knew how much joy I would get from walks with friends.  Walking six feet apart has become my new favorite way to spend time with the people I love.  God shows up on these walks, every. single. time. They are good for my body and my soul. 

• I have learned more about myself in the past few months than in the last few years combined.  There were no errands to run, no to-do lists to check off - just time.  I had the time to sit down and sort through things about myself that I could normally just brush over thanks to the distractions of my normal, busy, life. Thanks to enneagram research, conversations with my family who has been trapped with me for months, and lots of prayer, I feel like I know myself significantly better than I did before this weird time.  Best of all, I don’t feel like it’s been wasted.  The Lord has grown me and taught me how to be a more like Jesus, and for that I am so so thankful.  

• … and so many more little things! I got to read for pleasure again. I learned how to crochet a teddy bear. I baked. A lot. I spent real, undistracted time with my family.  The list goes on! The Lord showed up for me every day in new, small, thoughtful ways.

While I may never fully understand God’s plan for this time on this side of Heaven, I do know that despite all of the tragedy, He has shown up and revealed his goodness to me in ways that would not have happened without this strange, strange season. He is the same God who redeemed Joseph’s story and I am confident that despite everything that we are going through, He will redeem ours as well.  No matter where we are, God sees us and loves us.  I believe that one day when we tell the story of 2020 and everything that went wrong, we will be able to end it with “but God.” 

We want to hear your “but God” moments too! If you have had any glimpses of hope, small victories, answered prayers, little joys, or anything else that has reminded you of the Lord’s faithfulness, share them with us at @toloveourselves.

Anxiety During COVID-19

Written By: Mira Hobbs, The Letter Project Social Media Intern

After numerous years of trial and error, I finally discovered the most effective and helpful method to coping with my anxiety: going outside to clear my mind and practice my breathwork in the fresh air. However, with the current situation the world is in, it is rightfully encouraged and important that people spend the majority of their time indoors. For someone who struggles with anxiety, nothing sounds worse than being alone with their thoughts for long periods of time, except maybe… also testing positive for Covid-19.

Having gone through all of the above, I was forced to learn how to take care of my physical and mental health without leaving my house. I felt as though I had to completely restart my research on how to calm my anxiety while also starting new research on how to recover from Covid-19. While I am not a mental health expert, I wanted to share my personal experiences and what has helped me during tough and uncertain times

Get in touch with your senses

Getting in touch with your senses allows for you to feel fully aware in the present moment, which eliminates stresses and worries about the past or future. Focusing on and listening to your body and what it needs will allow you to feel in control of the situation, which consequently eases your anxiety. Here are some activities I have been doing and products I have been loving which have helped me get in touch with my senses:

Breathwork: The Calm App

Yoga: Yoga with Adriene on YouTube

Lighting candles: Trudon candles

Cooking: What you put in your body is what fuels and energizes you. Take your vitamins, drink lots of water, and eat tasty yet healthy food because it will make you feel less bloated, lazy, and anxious. There is plenty of research out there on how food and digestion is linked to anxiety, I highly recommend reading about it!

Skincare: The Ordinary, CeraVe, Kiehl’s, I’m a huge skincare nerd, I have 100s of products I could recommend! :)

Partake in productive distractions

One of the toughest parts about staying inside for me was I started to feel stuck and useless because I wasn’t doing anything productive and I had no creative outlet. Although my physical and mental health were causing me to be extremely exhausted all the time, finding hobbies to keep my mind busy and give me a purpose was a very helpful way to calm my anxiety. Here are some of the productive and creative activities I filled my time with:

Reading: Breathe magazine, Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics

Coloring: Adult coloring books

Letter writing!!!

Avoid “what ifs” and worrying about things you can’t control

Lastly, and in my opinion most importantly, I highly recommend trying your hardest to only focus on the things you can control and to stop worrying about the things that are out of your hands. The majority of my anxiety usually stems from events that MIGHT or COULD happen but haven’t actually occurred.

I waste so much time stressing about potential outcomes instead of focusing on what I am capable of doing to help myself in the moment.

Instead of browsing WebMD for hours going crazing about what symptoms you might possibly have or could get, check in with your body and focus on what it needs RIGHT NOW. You are in control of your body and your future, no matter how out of control everything may seem or feel.

I know anxiety and mental health comes in many different forms and although yours may look vastly different from mine, I hope this post at the very least has helped you realize no matter what life throws at you, you will adapt and find your footing.

Everything is going to be okay.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here for you. I am the current Social Media Intern for The Letter Project so you can reach me through our Instagram @toloveourselves or my personal Instagram @mirajhobbs. Stay safe and healthy everyone!

Power of a Pen Pal

Written By: Nichelle Bevo

I was an introvert growing up. I found solace in my imaginary friend and the television shows I would regularly watch such as, “Good Times”, “The Brady Bunch”, “Zoom” and Saturday morning cartoons. One particular show stood out was the “Big Blue Marble”, a PBS show. This show marked a lifelong adventure that yielded a best friend and got me out of my shell.

The “Big Blue Marble” had a segment at the end which advertised their Pen Pal program. I decided to write in and request a pen pal. I actually received three pen pals to write to, one from Nebraska and the other one lived abroad. The third pen pal lived in New York. The other two pen pals I corresponded with was brief and short-lived, but the pen pal from New York lasted longer. I grew up in a generation where letters and phone calls were the main sources of communicating. We started writing in the 70’s, one of the first photos I received from her was dated 8/3/79 when she lived in Brooklyn, New York and I lived in Sacramento, California. We exchanged photos and wrote about our daily lives and what we did for fun in our respective communities. We wrote through the turbulent teen years, young adulthood, marriages, first-born children (we both have one adult child around the same age), ups and downs of life as well forming a close bond over the years. I made an effort to keep in contact, write her often, and call on holidays. There were moments in our communication where it wasn’t frequent but I kept her close to my heart. I secretly prided myself in maintaining this relationship for as long as I did. The only thing I have held on to for this long. We often talked of meeting one another since we both have never visited each other respective coasts. It never happened but we still wrote and as we got older the phone calls became more frequent. It takes commitment and love to commit to one thing for a long period of time and the rewards of getting to know her over the years have been comforting and enlightening.

Decades went by and the shape of communicating was changing, text messages, instant messenger, MySpace, Facebook were taking over and our communicating evolved with the times. We still wrote but not as often, phone calls took over then texting then slowly becoming Facebook friends and then following each other on Instagram. A new world opened up to communicate and share our lives in a broader way. It strengthened our bond and I believe it made us closer. Fast forward to 2017 we were calling and texting more than usual and discussing meeting up. At first, it was her coming to California and then that didn’t work out and in August we began talking about seeing each other and actually meeting one another. We decided on a date and I flew to New York, my first time to the Big Apple! Upon seeing her my heart was full and tears welled up. We spent the next seven days conversing, laughing till tears rolled down our cheeks, drinking Margaritas, getting matching tattoos representing our individual coasts and exploring Florida, New York and Manhattan. It was a dream come true!

I realized the power of female friends is a magnificent thing. She has picked me up when I’m down through text messages and phone calls, always being transparent, honest, and loving. I value the power of the written word and how it brings people together from all walks of life. A letter sent back in the 70’s transformed into a beautiful, loving friendship! Since I have been back from my visit we have talked weekly via phone calls and text messages. I believe now, more than ever, that the female bond needs to be of importance to us, to lift each other up, to show up, be present, and most importantly show love to one another. I am thankful and grateful for my pen pal, who has loved me unconditionally and shown me what being a friend is all about.

Our Team’s Self-Care Tips

Coronavirus can leave you feeling like the walls are closing in around you and self-care matters now more than ever. Whether it be taking time for a long hike in fresh air, crocheting or a good nightly routine (cue Ordinary Skin Care, this body wash, and a bath with this candle lit!), we hope you’re finding ways to care for yourself. Below are a few of our current favorites:

To Read:

• The Dearly Beloved

• A Woman is No Man

• Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics 

• The Giver of Stars

• A Hundred Summers

• Untamed

• Mark of the Lion Series 

• So You Want to Talk About Race

To Listen:

• Foundations

• My Favorite Murder

• Work in Progress

• The Daily

• Rom Com Pods

• Be There in Five

• Coffee and Crumbs

• Chasing Freedom

• Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend

To Watch:

• Love Island

• White Collar

• Dead to Me

• Middlebrook and Schwartz

• Queer Eye

• Unbelievable

• All American

• Dating Around

• The Bold Type

• Just Mercy

Pandemic Living

Written By: Paige Thompson, The Letter Project Executive Director

Remember when this pandemic started? It was hard to wrap my head around. It was a seemingly normal day one day then a drastically different day the next. I often wonder why I didn't anticipate what was happening, why I didn't expect life to change here in the United States the way it had already changed across the world.

I panicked initially. With family members in the high risk category and my husband on the front lines, I immediately started thinking about worst case scenarios and working on life insurance. I was terrified about having 3 kids under 4 at home with me with none of our usual activities, outings, and social connections. Then I watched in shock as everything shut down.

When my husband got home, I was taking our dog for long walks as my "break." Walking around our little town in South Dakota, I prayed. It was hard to think about the people who could not afford their meals that night, the people whose home lives were difficult or downright awful, the isolation those struggling with mental health and addiction would be feeling - I just kept thinking about all the pain and struggle in the world. Then a car pulled over, it was an older couple and they were both smiling. They talked through the car window and asked about my dog, our Goldendoodle. They were friendly from a far, wished me well, and waved me on.

It was starting to get dark and as I turned, I saw the sunset on the park my kids used to play at daily, sometimes twice a day. The yellow slides completely abandoned. I could see the baby swings that my girls had so sadly outgrown. The signs saying the park was closed bleakly stared at me. I cried as I walked. I realized how good it felt to talk to another human being. Part of me cried because I don't know if I had ever really thought about how much I needed other human beings, even ones I didn't realize impacted me, like strangers talking about dogs. 

As the days turned to weeks and then months, I developed routines with the kids. We were constantly visiting Little Free Libraries, frequenting local small businesses for curbside pickup, dropping off surprise coffees for friends on their doorsteps. Our outtings became much different - we rolled down the local sledding hill, we pretended we were Rocky on the big stairs by a church in town, we started hiking and biking. Somewhere along the way, I realized we had our health. And, I was shocked to recognize that our health was all I could wish for right now. None of the other things I had worried about like routines, activities, etc. mattered. We still had each other.

I had been so worried about how I would get through with my kids and a new baby. Constantly asking myself how I would work, how I would stay sane. I missed the mark. All of a sudden, I was ridiculously excited when a bird stopped in our window bird feeder. I joyfully showed my girls the way the wind tossed the leaves out from a budding tree. I watched in awe as our oldest stood in fields for hours catching butterflies. I suppose it's perspective.

I know all the pain and fear in the world is still there. The pain has been amplified by the replacement of my ignorance with awareness of how black Americans are being treated every day. I am constantly working to learn. I know there's work to be done, and I am dedicated to doing my part. There's pain happening everywhere and this writing is in no way attempting to minimize that pain. I simply realized I had to shift my perspective. My brain was consuming too much pain. I could not process or help anyone. I can commit to doing more when I stop. I've got to pause. That's the pesky self-care isn't it?!

Self-care for me is ever-evolving. It’s always a hot cup of coffee. It’s phone calls to my parents and friends. The driveway socially distanced visits. It’s The Lumineers playing as I cook, the intentional practice of enjoying a sunset, the written words on my gratitude journal, the open Bible on the side table, the sweat as I push myself physically during a workout. It’s constantly reading. It’s losing myself as I march with enthusiasm on a pretend hunt with my kids to locate an extinct dinosaur somewhere in South America (really, the den). It’s the simple shared smile with my husband across the room. A board game. It’s closing my eyes while the sun bears down on me. This pandemic living has shown me self-care is not just going to happen. I need to make it happen. The world needs us; the helpers. But, we can’t forget to pause first.