The Bond With a Student
/By: Stephanie Hartline
TLP Letter Writer
I’ve experienced the joy of wearing many hats through my life: wife, mom, student, writer, gardener, fitness instructor, and one that I’ve worn the longest: teacher. My profession as a high school English teacher has become such an integral part of my persona that I sometimes feel that I want to wear a sign in the summer that says, ”I’m a teacher” just so people know that I really do work hard—I’m just taking a short break for a while.
Unnecessarily, people apologize for their speech or writing when they know they are talking with an English teacher. “My spelling isn’t that good” or “I don’t really like to read” are confessions I’ve received. What they don’t know is that teaching language arts through the years has become so much more than analyzing characters or putting commas in the correct places in a sentence. As a language teacher, I am gifted with reading about my students’ life experiences and innermost thoughts. I’m often overwhelmed to be the person in whom they place their trust to share the highs and lows of their lives.
Some students, of course, have stood out to me through the years for various reasons. Three young women have secured a bond with me even after high school and college—and even into their adult lives.
Kate was the first to reach out to me at a high school dance as I was the chaperone. It was my first year in the building, and she knew I was a little hesitant. She pulled me onto the dance floor, and it was all uphill from that point on. It sounds like a plot of a love story; no, but it was the start of a mutual love and concern for each other. I saw Kate though some tough times at college, and some rough dates post-graduation! I was present at her wedding, and one of the first to know about each of her pregnancies.
I just saw another student friend, Katie, last week. She is now a school guidance counselor and we were talking about the stress of COVID-19 on her students. She said she wanted to give them a safe place to talk “like you were for me, Steph.” The idea that some encounters that I provided for someone years ago was now being used as a role model to help young students fills me with great pride. Katie brings her three boys to my pool for a yearly swim and catch-up. (Side note---they play with my son’s old dinosaurs and sharks!) They joy comes not just in seeing these little guys as they develop and grow, but sharing time with my friend.
I see Kelly most frequently. We share a love for books, travel, and education. You see, Kelly is now a high school teacher herself! We compare notes, and I welcome her insights and borrowed lesson plans. We can talk for hours without taking many breaths…and I know she considers me one of her good friends.
The best part of these friendships—and I think a pretty impressive one-- is that all three of these young women do not see the 25 year age gap as a barrier to our friendship. They always ask about my kids and their relationships and jobs. The reach out when they know I need support. I treasure these young women—I tell them that often.
As I approach another school year I look forward to meeting a new group of young, anxious, eager faces. Ninth graders are so scared, but I always aim to ease their fears and anxiety. Little do they know that they have adults in their lives who will not only teach them math skills, map skills, sentence structure and a new language, but who may provide safety and perhaps a lifelong friendship.
