Written By: Emily Winter

I often think of life as a deposit of time. We are each allocated so many years, just like a fixed sum in a bank. When twenty-four hours have passed I have spent one more day. I read in the People's Daily that the average life expectancy for a Chinese woman is seventy-two. I am already seventy-four years old. I spent all my deposits two years ago and am on bonus time. Every day is already a gift. What is there to complain of?

-Falling Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah

“A Complaint is a Gift” is often a mantra used in business, specifically customer service. The idea is that a complaint is free, honest feedback that should be absorbed, thought upon and used to create something better or to improve what is currently available.

I think if we could all agree on one thing it would be 2020 was the year of complaints. But 2021 will be the year when we see our complaints as gifts. To help us change our perspective and enhance our daily experience with ourselves and others.

We learn of a virus continually attacking the people of our nation and the entire world.

We complain of the timeliness of the national response and question whether the information is accurate.

We watch political differences unravel in ugly dispute and wreckage.

We complain about our own thoughts and opinions, desperately pining for others to adhere to our point of view.

We watch violence and social injustices take place on camera.

We complain that our cities and law enforcement are not doing enough or that too many people are taking to the streets.

We hear of traumatic stories of family or friends losing loved ones or suffering from symptoms.

We complain of our fear that we might be next.

We listen to stories of loneliness and isolation amongst the young and old.

We complain of boredom and mundane routines.

These are only a few experiences we now endure, together. They are difficult and exhausting but with close attention, each complaint bears a gift. In 2021, it is up to us to decide whether we want to maximize our gifts or sit comfortably in our complaints. Under the serial position effect, we tend to remember the first and last items in a series than those in the middle. This means our memory tends to blur out circumstances between what is “memorable.” But now more than ever, we cannot disregard what we have gained between the beginning and what will be the end. This is precious time to focus on the gifts of patience, our unique ability to adapt, accept stillness, slower schedules, new technology, open dialogue about topics that truly matter, forgotten hobbies, new relationships, rekindled friendships, and quality time with family.

Most conversations revolving around January and the New Year involve setting new resolutions, working towards new achievements, improving yourself, and chasing bigger and better goals. While it is healthy for us to maintain momentum in our ambitions and desires, in 2021 we are still handling a crisis, together. So, let us use this time as an opportunity to soften our approach, understand the motive behind our goals, rather than blindly chase them, and to redefine what success means to us.

I have talked to several friends about their intentions for 2021 and a common response was setting themes. Some examples are living with integrity, releasing shame, being direct with others, and exhibiting self-compassion. After watching 2020, we cannot afford for 2021 to be another year of merely setting a calorie count or waking up at 6 am every day. It is time for each of us as individuals to take a deeper look and to muster the self-awareness to ask the tough questions. Questions like “Where are my complaints directed in the world and how can I become a driving force to help resolve one of those complaints?”

Solving problems requires action and there is no size requirement for how big or small your action needs to be. Action can look like beginning each day with acknowledged grace and gratitude, journaling for 5 minutes each day, reevaluating a career path, incorporating healthier foods in a diet, trying out a new sport or activity, reading from a variety of fiction and non-fiction topics, encouraging empathy, writing down 5 things we already have and can use to our advantage, finding purpose in the skills we already carry and strive for meaning rather than status. Once we become well-practiced in our appreciation for our present gifts and we no longer feel compelled to convince ourselves that they do exist, only then will we think, every day is already a gift, what is there to complain of?

A few of my 2021 intentions:

-Energy and present mindfulness

-Read 50 books by the end of the year

-Write one sentence daily, minimum

-Make one new recipe each week

-Sign up for a charity cycling event

-Incorporate greens and less added sugars

A few 2021 themes:

-Creative connection

-Empathy

-Hope

-Reframing our story

-Self-compassion

-Vulnerability

A few quotes about complaints

See if you can catch yourself complaining, in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always non-acceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself into a victim. When you speak out, you are in your power. So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible; leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness. -Eckhart Tolle

To make something good of the future you have to look the present in the face. -The Mandarins

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. -Maya Angelou

We all sorely complain of the shortness of time, and yet have much more than we know what to do with. Our lives are either spent in doing nothing at all, or in doing nothing to the purpose, or in doing nothing that we ought to do. We are always complaining that our days are few, and acting as though there would be no end of them. -Seneca

The soul that gives thanks can find comfort in everything; the soul that complains can find comfort in nothing. -Hannah Whitall Smith